What Does a Doula Actually Do? (And What We Don't Do)
When I first started telling people that I was becoming a doula, I definitely got some funny looks. And then I realised that unless you are pregnant (and even then!), many people don’t know what a doula is.
It sounds like a funny word that comes from the ancient Greek for “to serve” (this is a whole debate in the doula community and probably a post for another day). I had quite a few people thinking I was training to be a death doula (what an incredibly important job!) I think because Gwyneth Paltrow has recently trained as one! And then it came to explaining what I was going to be doing, and I found it tricky to put into words.
On the surface, it seems simple. I am there to support families through pregnancy, birth and the early days with their baby, offering emotional and physical support. But it’s so much more complex than that!
I think the other thing I came across, which surprised me, was the question of: why do people need that? Or “That’s such a luxury service. Is there actually any work in that?” Both very valid and interesting questions!
After years of offering pregnancy and new mum massages and facials, I had heard such a wide range of experiences and some awful stories of women feeling like they just weren’t listened to, informed or left feeling that their body wasn’t their own. Each one of these stories stayed with me, and it just wasn’t sitting right with me that this experience seemed not universal by any means, but far too common.
Now, I’m not saying that hiring a doula is like hiring a fairy godmother who waves their magic wand and you instantly get the dream birth you have always wanted. We cannot guarantee birth outcomes, of course we can’t! But I think even when things unfortunately don’t always go to plan, if you feel like you were heard, respected and supported to make your own choices with all the information you needed, then you might come away feeling overall more positive about your birth experience.
A doula can bring a sense of safety and comfort, and I think this is invaluable to have as you go through one of life’s big transitions. This is possibly why it’s so hard to explain the depth of this work, because it’s a feeling you bring as well as information, advocacy and loads of other wonderful things!
So, in an attempt to be more concise, I will use the four doula pillars from my amazing training with Nurturing Birth. These apply to both birth and postpartum work and are the backbone of everything I do.
I think it’s also important to know that I’m not just doulaing (if that’s even a word) the mother. I am here to support the whole family using these pillars.
1. Listening
Listening is such a huge part of this work. Allowing time for the silences to open up and for everything that needs to be said to be said.
So often in everyday life, we just aren’t really listening. We are thinking of what we are going to say in response or about our lunch! And as doulas, this is a skill we really practise and put a lot of value on.
2. Validate
Helping you to feel seen and heard, and that whatever you are feeling in that moment is completely valid.
This kind of support is so important to help you feel confident in yourself to make the right decisions for you.
3. Hold space
Just allowing you to be you and not trying to change or fix. Again, hard to explain because this is more of a feeling of acceptance and care that doulas bring to the relationship.
4. Signposting
A super important part of this work is being able to signpost you to evidence-based information and trusted professionals that can help you make an informed decision, so you feel informed no matter what comes up.
Doulas are amazing networkers, and it’s such a beautiful environment to work in. So although we are self-employed, it feels like I have loads of incredible colleagues who all have specialist skills and knowledge.
And then, just as importantly, what I can’t do as your doula.
1. I cannot guarantee a certain kind of birth or outcome
I can help you be prepared, and there are wonderful statistics about doulas reducing labour times and hospital interventions, but it can never be a promise.
2. Give advice or tell you what to do
It’s not my role to tell you how to birth or how to look after your newborn. I can help you talk through decisions, help you ask for more time to make those decisions, and I can signpost you to information.
But ultimately, it’s your baby and your birth, and I would never want to disempower you by giving my personal opinion.
3. Know everything!
Although, of course, I wish I did! But alas, no one knows everything, and every birth and postnatal experience will teach you something different. And that is the beauty of this work. You are forever learning and gaining experience.
Although I will not know everything, I will be able to find out and pull together resources for you.
4. Be a superhero and save you from anything
It’s just not the role of the doula to step in and do that, but I will walk alongside you, so you feel able to step into your own power!
And then, to answer the question of: is this really needed?
The answer is a resounding yes, and I will shout it from the rooftops until this kind of support is normalised and becomes part of our society again, because I truly believe that caring for mothers is preventative medicine and this work is powerful, political and invaluable!
